The Order of Chaos
by FionaJoyce
Summary: five short one shots in different point of views. could perhaps lead to a full story later? R
1. The Dormitory of a Wolf

First Year: The Dormitory of a Wolf

This was it. He couldn't hide this secret from these three boys any longer. They were his best friends, they consider each other brothers. They spent almost the entire year together up in that dorm room covered in red and gold. They had trusted him; they had told him their secrets and now it was time to tell them his. They would be there for him, he just knew it. Well at least, he hoped they'd be there for him.

He opened his mouth to finally tell them. Nothing came out.

"C'mon, you can tell us." James reassured him.

He opened his mouth once more. And still nothing came out.

"You can trust us," Peter promised.

Once again, he opened his mouth and once again, nothing came out. He just couldn't say it.

"Oh c'mon you bloody prick. Peter just said his dad's the worst alcoholic ever. James admitted that he's terrified of disappointing his perfect father. And I just fucking told you I come from a family of Death Eaters. You sure as hell better say something." Sirius urged.

"I just can't," Remus said glaring at his hands, "you wouldn't understand."

James put his hand on Remus' shoulder, "We haven't even known each other for a full year yet, but Remus Lupin, I want you to know that you are one of the most important people in my life. There is absolutely nothing that could ever change that."

Sirius gave him a slight smile, "You're a great mate and a great person. Whatever your secret is, we are here. No matter what, I am here."

Peter nodded, "You can't get rid of us."

Remus closed his eyes and breathed deeply. If there was ever a moment to tell them his secret, it was now. They would understand, and if they didn't it wouldn't be the first time he had to let go of someone close to him. He opened his eyes and gulped.

"I'm a werewolf," he whispered looking down at the ground.

They didn't say a thing. He knew he scared them. He knew they'd never speak to him again. He knew they'd tell his secret and he'd have to leave the one place he loved: Hogwarts. He knew they wouldn't understand because no one did… not his parents, not his teachers, and now his only friends.

He was wrong.

"That's it?" Sirius said.

Remus looked up confused searching each of there faces for any signs hurt or horror that he expected but he saw none.

"Well, we already knew that!" James complained as Peter nodded in agreement.

"What?" he choked out.

"Damn it! We already **knew** that!" Sirius spat, "You're supposed to say something we don't already know."

"How- what- when did you- why- how could- well when in Merlin's name did you find that out," he said.

"The third full moon! It wasn't hard to guess," James snickered.

He sat in shock as his best friends giggled around him. How could they have possibly found out in **one** year? How was it three twelve- year- olds figured something as complex as that out? Why hadn't they told him when they realized? Or better yet, why hadn't they told the whole school? Why did they stick by his side and act like it was nothing?

"So," he started off shakily, "why are you still friends with me?"

James stopped laughing, "What do you mean **why**?"

"I'm a werewolf. I could- I could hurt you. I could bite you and make you one," he said hating himself.

"That's ridiculous. You wouldn't attack us. You leave school at the full moon, don't you? Technically, you couldn't get to us. Plus we're all the way up in this tower most of the time." James answered trying to act logical.

"Well, you shouldn't be friends with me. I'm a monster," he whispered.

"No, the Dark Lord is a monster," Sirius laughed.

"Yeah, you- well, you just have a furry little problem," James smiled.

He looked at James like he was an idiot. A furry little problem? He was a werewolf, for Merlin's sake. There is nothing 'little' about that! But James' smile did make him smile. Leave it to those boys to take something so serious and make it seem like no big deal, even joke about the situation.

He shook his head and smiled, "You guys are something."

Sirius smiled, "Why yes we are. Now, could you tell us about your furry little problem, mate? I'm just really curious, you know?"

His smile faltered a bit, but he thought that he could trust these boys. Plus, he really wanted to talk about his 'furry little problem'.

"What do you want to know?" he said lying down on the floor.

"Does it hurt? To change?" Peter piped up.

"Like hell," he whispered.

"Are you still you when you change?" James wondered.

"Not really," he said, "I don't really know what I'm doing. I feel the change and then I sorta black out."

"So, like when you're wasted," Sirius laughed.

"You just turned twelve, Sirius; the closest you've ever got to drunk is a sugar rush from to many chocolate frogs!" Peter laughed.

"Yeah, but I've seen it. Drunk people never know what they're doing!" Sirius smiled.

Peter nodded thinking of his father, "Yeah I guess."

James reared the conversation back to the werewolf bit, "So where exactly do you go when you change?"

"Well, you know that really young nurse in the Hospital Wing, Pomfrey? Well, she takes me down to the Whomping Willow. There is a secret passage that takes me to a shack," he finished.

"Wait the Shrieking Shack? Oh my God are you the ghost of that bloody place?!" Sirius questioned.

"Well, I'm not a ghost, I can tell you that much. But yeah I am what makes the noises." He said.

"Well that blows! All this time I thought that there were really ghosts and this buffoon comes along and tells me he is the one who makes those damn noises," Sirius said in mock disappointment.

He laughed. That was the first time anyone had made a joke about his wolf cries. Then again, very few people knew. It was only the boys, his parents, Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall and the Headmaster.

"Thank you," he whispered gratefully.

"Well what are friends for Lupey?" James smiled patting his foot.

No one had been this understanding of his situation. Not even his parents. Though his parents loved him, you could see the disgrace and guilt in their eyes. They saw there son as tainted and they blamed themselves. The Headmaster had been very kind and tried to make an effort in helping him but he really didn't want it. And Pomfrey may take him to the Whomping Willow but she knew to keep her distance. These boys were the only ones who actually understood and wanted to help him with this. And for that alone, he thought himself lucky to have found such great friends.


	2. The House of Black

Year Two: The House of Black

It was the coldest night of the winter but that hadn't stopped Sirius Black who sat outside his window on the roof of the boys' second year dormitory. It had been three weeks since everyone came back from Christmas Break; and though Remus, Peter, and James seemed to be back in the groove of things, Sirius was still a bit distant and unhappy. As Remus and Peter feasted in the Hogwarts kitchen and James made his way to McGonagall's office to serve a well deserved detention, Sirius sat shivering and reminiscing on all that happened over the Break.

_It would be Sirius' first time going back home with Regulus. Reg had just finished his first few months at Hogwarts as a Slytherin and though Sirius knew that they never had a close relationship, he was now positive that they never will. When Sirius came home this time last year as a Gryffindor, Regulus kept a distance in case of catching the "Gryffindor Disease". Unlike Sirius, Regulus had always been the good son never wanting to disappoint. And so as Regulus strutted to their parents and their mother kissed his cheek and their father patted his back, it was only Sirius who felt the pang of disappointment. Sirius wasn't jealous of the affection Reg would receive that Sirius never would again; he was too bothered by the fact of losing his only brother to the Dark Arts. Not one good wizard had ever belonged to the Slytherin house._

Sirius turned to face the boys' window as he heard someone come out behind him. The girl sat next to him as he turned away from her.

"Hey," she whispered lightly poking him.

"What do you want, Cara?" Sirius asked coldly.

"Well, first, I'd like you to lose your attitude," she said annoyed and grabbed his shoulder, "and second, I'd like you to look at me."

He shook her hand off and fixed her with a glare, "Happy?"

"Not particularly, no," she rolled her eyes, "but I'm clearly happier than you. So what's up?"

"What do you care?" Sirius snapped.

Cara clenched her teeth as her eyes sharpened, "I'm here because your mates are worried about you and apparently I'm the only one with the balls to ask what's wrong."

"Cara," he sighed, "please, just go."

"Sirius," she mocked, "no. The boys have let you mope around for three weeks and I'm ending it. So, please, make this easy and just tell me what's wrong. I'm not in the mood to pry."

"You wouldn't get it."

"Sirius Orion Black is known for a lot of things but being melodramatic and misunderstood is not in the description. So stop with the bloody excuses."

"Then stop with the interrogation," he glared at her and went to the window to go back in.

"Wait," she sighed from behind him, "you were here first so you can stay. Like I said I'm not in the mood to pry so I guess I'll leave.

She inched towards the window as Sirius sat back down. As she reached out to hitch up the window, Sirius grabbed her wrist releasing a set of sparks that only Cara felt. He wanted someone to talk to and Cara wanted to be that person. She smiled at herself. Sirius, catching the smile, released her and sighed. He didn't like talking about his problems but it's better to talk to someone he isn't as close to like Cara rather than James.

"You can stay just don't ask questions. Deal?"

Cara nodded and sat back down beside him. She studied Sirius' features as he thought quietly. For a boy soon to be thirteen, he was incredibly good looking. He had pale skin that glowed and long black hair that fell gracefully over his face. For being so young, he had a good amount of muscle that most likely came from Quidditch. Even though Cara was just a kid, she couldn't help but convince herself that there was something between the two of them; more than just their friendship. But then again, it could just be Cara's naïve mind making a bigger deal out of her crush than need be.

"It's my family," Sirius vented snapping Cara out of her thoughts, "they're part of this group; the Death Eaters."

"Lord Voldemort's group," Cara nodded.

Sirius raised an eyebrow in surprise, "how do you know about them?"

"I'm a pureblood. They tried recruiting my parents," she shrugged.

"And they said no?" he stared at her with a look that almost begged her to say that her parents were Death Eaters too and he wasn't alone.

"They said no," she agreed and though Sirius acted like it was a relief, his heart sank a bit.

Sirius let out a manically laugh, "Well my parents aren't like yours. In fact, they invited him for Christmas dinner along with all his ickle Death Eaters. Talk about your 'Happy Christmas'."

Cara stayed quiet and dropped her gaze to her hands unsure of what to say.

"You're not like them," she said squeezing her eyes shut.

"Do you really believe that? Or are you trying to convince yourself that? I mean I am a Black. We share the same name, the same blood!" he barked at her.

"Please," Cara begged bringing her eyes to meet his, "don't yell at me."

His eyes weren't full of the anger that his voice held. Instead those grey eyes were iced over with fright and sadness. And as Cara took in his emotions, she knew the memory of those eyes would haunt her.

"I'm sorry," he said softly dropping his gaze.

"S'okay," she squeezed his hand, "you can vent to me just don't yell at me."

He nodded and kept her hand in his, "Thanks."

As Sirius opened his mouth to tell her what happened that Christmas dinner, the memory flushed over him sending him back to that ghastly night.

_Sirius was up in his room putting on his nicest dress robes. As he wrapped his tie around his neck, Regulus walked in._

"_Need something?" Sirius asked._

_Regulus looked very out of place in such a Gryffindor room._

"_No," he said awkwardly, "Sirius, you do know who is coming, right?"_

"_Some prejudice douche bags," Sirius smiled._

_Regulus let out an awkward and forced laugh._

_Sirius eyed his brother taking note of his clammy hands, "I take it you know who the prejudice douche bags are, yes?"_

_Regulus nodded, "Purebloods."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes, "Obviously."_

"_Former Slytherins," Reg continued._

"_Who would have thought," Sirius feigned surprise._

"_Death Eaters," Regulus choked out and sat on Sirius' bed._

"_What are you on about?" Sirius watched his brother wring his hands._

"_I think it's a meeting," Regulus dropped his gaze to the floor and became rigid, "for Death Eaters."_

"_Alright, well what makes you say that?" Sirius said taking a seat beside Reg._

"_Avery. His parents are coming. And the Carrows are coming too. And that Antonin Dolohov, the seventh year, he'll be here, too."_

"_Well, No big deal. They're all pureblood Slytherins."_

"_Really? I hadn't noticed," Regulus rolled his eyes, "but they're all Death Eaters as well, Sirius."_

"_Antonin Dolohov is too young to be a Death Eater!" Sirius laughed, "what would the Dark Lord want with him?"_

"_I don't know, but he has the mark."_

"_What mark?"_

"_The skull thing with the snake coming out of its mouth!"_

_Sirius furrowed his eyebrows, "I have no idea what you are on about."_

"_For Merlin's sake, Sirius! It's on every Death Eaters left arm. Dad has one!" Regulus said annoyed at Sirius' lack of knowledge in the matter._

"_What? You mean the creepy tattoo?"_

_Regulus nodded, "And I heard a rumor, too."_

"_Okay, well, what is it then?" Sirius pushed._

"_The Dark Lord himself will be here."_

_[…..Hours Later…..]_

_The house elves hustled in the kitchen while the Blacks mingled with their guests. Sirius, however, avoided his brother being that Regulus was surrounded by a group of first year Slytherins. So, Sirius sat in a chair not too far from the front door where all the guests had Apparated outside of. Kreacher and Hennie, the newest house elves kept running from the kitchen to the door whenever the bell rang or a knock was heard. _

_A small knock sounded on the door and Kreacher had beaten Hennie to it. He quickly opened it and took a polite bow._

"_Mr. and Mrs. Cygnus Black," he said, "and daughters."_

_They ignored him as they walked in. Cygnus walked straight to Sirius' father and whispered something in his ear. Druella, Cygnus' wife, ushered the daughters into the room Sirius was in and then quickly followed after her husband. _

"_Sirius," Narcissa said approaching him._

"_Cissy," he nodded to his cousin._

"_Sirius," Andromeda smiled._

"_Andromeda," Sirius nodded to her as well._

_Bellatrix gave him a sharp glare as a greeting._

"_Bella," he smirked, "nice to see your smiling face."_

"_Don't call me that," she spat at him, "in fact don't talk to me at all."_

"_All your slimy Slytherin friends call you that," Sirius said innocently._

"_Sod off," Bellatrix flicked her hair and joined Regulus and the first years._

"_Anyway," Sirius turned to his other two cousins, "enjoying the school year so far?"_

"_Not so interesting so far," Andromeda shrugged._

"_And you Narcissa?" Sirius asked politely._

"_I guess it's been okay," Narcissa said bored._

"_How is yours?" Andromeda asked._

_Sirius smiled, "Very—"_

_A loud knock on the door interrupted Sirius. Hennie came running in giving Kreacher a good shove in the face. She opened the door and bowed._

"_Mr. Abraxas Malfoy and son," Hennie squeaked._

_They, too, ignored the elf and strutted in. Without needing to be told Lucius Malfoy made his way over to the younger crowd though looking displeased. _

"_Narcissa, Andromeda," Lucius drawled, "I'm sure I'd be much better company than this blood traitor."_

_Narcissa stood to join Lucius as if relieved where as Andromeda stayed seated ignoring his presence._

"_Aren't you coming Andromeda?" Narcissa asked confused._

"_No, Cissy, I'm not," Andromeda replied, "and do tell Lucius to get his wand out of his arse. It's unhealthy."_

"_Excuse me?" Lucius raised his eyebrow where as Sirius and Andromeda smirked._

"_Sirius is a second year," Andromeda glared at Lucius, "He's still just a kid. He won't be a blood traitor until his dumb arse goes and marries a Muggle." ((IRONY!))_

"_Whatever you say, Andromeda," Lucius rolled his eyes and walked away with Narcissa by his side._

"_Positively disgusting," Andromeda faked a gag, "I don't know why Cissy has such a crush on him!"_

_There was another knock at the door and Kreacher beat Hennie again. When he pulled open the door he looked up in awe and took his deepest bow where his nose actually scraped the floor._

"_The Dark Lord," Kreacher said feeling not worth enough to even look at him._

_Lord Voldemort did not ignore the elf like the other Purebloods. He gave him a nod and continued walking into the house. The entire room was silent as Voldemort approached the group of adults._

"_Shall we eat?" he said to Sirius' mother Walburga._

"_Right of course," Walburga said nodding._

_[…forty five minutes later….]_

_Everyone sat at the table quietly finishing their meal. At one end sat Lord Voldemort; at the opposite sat Sirius' father, Orion. Sirius sat on the left middle between Andromeda and Regulus. _

"_That was delicious, Walburga," Voldemort started, "I think we should begin the meeting."_

"_Yes, of course, Master. You lot," she said to the children, "up stairs."_

"_One more thing, Walburga," Voldemort said politely, "I'd like to speak with your son, the Gryffindor."_

_Sirius tensed up as Regulus looked at him in alarm._

"_Come here boy," Voldemort said once the other children left._

_He pointed to a chair to his left that Sirius took._

"_Strapping boy," Voldemort nodded to Sirius' parents._

"_Thank you my Lord," Orion said awkwardly._

"_What's your name boy?" Voldemort said._

"_Sirius Orion Black," Sirius said still very tense._

"_The family rebel, yeah?"_

"_I guess."_

"_You like Hogwarts, I assume."_

"_Yes."_

"_Good grades?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Good mates?"_

_Sirius nodded._

"_Well, who do you keep in your company?"_

"_Gryffindors," Sirius said cautiously._

"_What are their names?"_

"_Too many to name."_

_Voldemort chuckled, "Holding back are we?"_

"_The names, Sirius," Orion warned._

"_Come now, Orion. It's alright that Sirius shows some loyalty. It's an admirable quality," he smiled,"So what year are you?"_

"_Second," Sirius replied._

"_Potter's boy is in second year, correct?" Voldemort asked the adults._

"_Yes my Lord," Abraxas spoke._

"_So, you're mates with him, Sirius?"_

"_That's possible."_

"_You know, Sirius, his father refused to meet with me."_

"_I can't imagine why," Sirius' voice dripped with sarcasm._

"_Alright, Sirius, I think I'm done with you for now. I can see you don't like my company very much," Voldemort smiled gesturing for Sirius to stand, "I do hope the next time we meet that your views on me have changed."_

_Sirius nodded as he walked out but he couldn't help but here Voldemort whisper to his parents, "Keep him. He could be quite useful to us."_

Sirius ended the story letting out a shakey breath.

Cara touched his shivering hand, "Is that what scares you?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius looked into Cara's deep blue eyes.

"That Voldemort will get to you. That he might change your views."

"No," Sirius shook his head, "I know my views won't change. And I know my family's views won't either. And I think a lot of the Purebloods are thinking like them. I think I'm scared that this might get out of hand. That the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters might retaliate."

"Like a wizarding war?" Cara asked.

"Exactly," Sirius nodded.

"Scary," Cara frowned.

"Right," Sirius said and squeezed her hand.


	3. Remus to the Rescue

Third Year: It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's… Remus Lupin?

Dorcas Meadowes stared at herself in the mirror of the fourth floor bathroom. She had bowl cut black hair that stuck to her face. Her skin was the color of snow; in fact, Snow White was her childhood nick name but that doesn't make sense considering Snow White was beautiful and Dorcas was far from it. Every one of Dorcas' roommates stood out in the best way. Cara Jones was the tall porcelain beauty that could apply make up like a girl while flying on a broomstick with the boys. Lily Evans was the fiery redhead who had a brilliant mind to match her brilliant emerald eyes. Marlene McKinnon who had a very plain body and plain face for a thirteen year old had the prettiest gold curls in the entire school. And Emmeline Vance was the tall dark beauty with tanned skin, black pixy cut hair, and deep brown eyes that guys got lost in. These four were the prettiest in their year where as Dorcas was at the very bottom of the list. Dorcas was tall like Cara and Emmeline, however, where they were thin, Dorcas was pudgy. Whether any of the four wore make up or not, they were beautiful all the same. Dorcas, however, felt she needed make up to at least take away some of her 'ugliness'. Her hair was uncontrollable and unmanageable most days and she found herself envying Marlene's mop of curls. Dorcas' had cheeks that sagged into her double chin making her eyes droop and she wished for Cara's high cheekbones. She only had one curve: her stomach, and so she sucked in pretending she was the thin Emmeline, but her gut quickly fell back out. Then there were Dorcas' blue eyes spotted with mud brown that were not attractive or noticeable and Dorcas cursed Lily for those beautiful eyes.

The longer Dorcas looked in the bathroom mirror, the less she liked and the more hate she felt towards herself. She glared at her reflection but nothing changed and she began feeling tears well up in her eyes as Dorcas remembered Bellatrix Black teasing her in Charms this morning.

One second Dorcas was glaring in the mirror, the next the mirror was shattered and Dorcas had her wand out. She saw what she had done and burst in to tears.

"Calm down," Dorcas told herself splashing water on her face.

As she looked down in the sink, Dorcas caught her reflection on the faucet. She pushed down in frustration and caused the sink to break. Dorcas screamed in shock and her voice echoed on the walls. Dorcas burst into tears convinced that it was her fat that had broke the sink. She was blubbering so loud that she hadn't even heard Remus Lupin come sprinting in to the bathroom in alarm. He took in the sight of the bathroom: mirror shards across the floor, water shooting out of a broken sink, and Dorcas Meadowes curled into a ball crying.

"Dor- Dorcas?" Remus said nervously.

Her response was a loud sob.

Remus bent down next to her, "What happened?"

But Dorcas was crying too hard to speak.

"It's okay, Dorcas," Remus said patting her awkwardly, "you're okay."

However, Dorcas Meadowes was far from okay.

…THREE MONTHS LATER…..

Everyone had just returned from Christmas Break. Marlene McKinnon had spent her break at home with her wizard father and muggle mother. It had been a decent break, up until the last day. Marlene was never close with her mother but never had she thought her mother low enough to have an affair. First, Marlene found love letters from her mother's co worker and family friend, Doug Stratford. Then she had caught her mother kiss Doug good bye on the lips. And lastly, Marlene over heard a phone call from her mother to Doug.

Marlene rode the last express back to Hogwarts and avoided any contact with anyone on the train. Instead of taking her trunk to her dorm, she asked an elf to and then she went to an abandon classroom.

Marlene's eyes watered but she blinked away tears.

_She's cheating!_

Marlene blinked harder and faster.

_Doug! She's cheating with Doug! Your dad is friends with the man!_

She closed her eyes as tight as she could letting a single tear streak her cheek.

_And you never knew…_

Marlene opened her eyes and out poured a million tears. She covered her face as she cried silently.

"McKinnon?" Remus Lupin said from out in the halls.

Marlene looked up and straight into his eyes. He took in the puffy eyes, the blonde curls stuck to her face, and the broken look that overtook her face. Without realizing it, Remus found himself walking into the room and sitting next to her. He put an arm around her shoulders and Marlene didn't protest. She felt safer in his arms as if the problems weren't as serious. So she wiped her cheeks clean of tears.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Remus asked.

Marlene shook her head, "Not yet."

"It's okay, Mar," Remus awakwardly rubbed her arm, "you're okay."

However, Marlene McKinnon was far from okay.

….FIVE MONTHS LATER….

_Dear Emmeline,_

_I have terrible news. Your cousin, Helena, was in a car accident late last night with her boyfriend Louis. They were trying to avoid a stray dog and the car flipped repeatedly. Louis is unconscious and is in critical condition at the hospital. And it breaks my heart to tell you this but Helena was killed instantly. Aunt Martha is a complete wreck and I haven't heard from Uncle Andy since we identified her body and he stormed out. Your cousin, Johnny, will be staying with your father and me until Aunt Martha is stable. I'm so sorry, Emmeline. We all loved her so much. Please write me, darling. I love you._

_Your Mother._

Emmeline frowned in confusion. She read it three times until the words finally stuck in.

"What is it?" Lily asked from across the table.

Emmeline clutched the letter and ran out of the Great Hall. She ran up five flights of stairs until the staircase she was on began moving. As she waited for it to stop, Emmeline thought of places to run.

The Dormitory- _no if I break down I don't want the girls to see me._

An empty classroom- _no, people are always caught in those. _(So true!)

The stair case connected to a hallway and Emmeline ran down them. She hadn't decided where to go so she ran around aimlessly. A staircase that led up to the Astronomy Tower was on this floor so she took it. Emmeline sprinted up them holding her breath, and as she broke out at the top she was met by a strong breeze. She walked along the wall unsteadily until her legs gave out. Emmeline curled up into a ball and cried. She cried for twenty minutes straight until she passed out.

Emmeline had nightmares of Helena sitting in the passenger seat as the car flipped and flipped and flipped. She imagined Helena's broken and blood covered body as Andy and Martha identified. She pictured Johnny sitting in her own room back at her house feeling numb and alone. And though there was absolutely nothing Emmeline could do, she wished that she was in that car with Helena and Louis. Helena was Emmeline's role model growing up and life without her seemed impossible.

"Emmeline," someone called out to her.

She stirred.

"Emmeline!" they screamed louder and shook her roughly.

Emmeline opened her eyes and they focus on the deep brown eyes of Remus Lupin.

"You're alright," he sighed relieved and helped her up, "you look sick."

And with that Emmeline proceeded to vomit on his shoes.

"Shit," Remus said and cleaned his shoes off with his wand, "you need the Hospital Wing."

"No," Emmeline muttered pulling away.

He held on to her, "C'mon Em."

"No!" She shouted as her legs gave way but Remus managed to hold her up.

"Emmeline," he said firmly, "you are sick. You need to go to the Hospital Wing."

She struggled to stand and used all her strength to shove Remus, "Leave. Me. Alone!"

Remus staggered but reached out for her again.

She slapped his hand away and screamed, "Go!"

Without another word Remus left. Emmeline fell to the ground crying again. In less than two minutes she was once again unconscious.

When she next came around, Emmeline saw the night sky; she was still on the Astronomy Towers. However, this time she wasn't on the hard stone. Instead she laid in someone's arms. She tilted her head to see Remus Lupin was looking down at her.

He said softly but firmly, "I'm not leaving."

"Thank you," Emmeline smiled.

She snuggled into his chest.

"You're okay," he promised.

And Emmeline knew some day soon, she'd be okay.


	4. The Astronomy Tower

Year Four: The Astronomy Tower

They wandered to the Astronomy Tower after dinner. It was only a few days before Halloween and everyone was very cheerful; everyone except her. She had walked around the school for the last two months in a daze. Everything that happened that summer had finally registered in her mind the minute she opened her Hogwarts letter for another year. She spent the summer wallowing in memories. She did a lot of really bad things that she wouldn't have done had she been in her right state of mind. She had really messed up her life and her relationship with her sister. But once she saw the letter, she snapped back to reality. She realized what was important in life and why she kept living. She thought of Hogwarts, of magic, of her friends. But the person she thought of the most was her sister, Petunia.

She had left Petunia to go through this alone. She didn't understand what her sister went through while she was away at school and now she will never know. She was away for nine months at school while her sister was home facing a terrible situation. And then when she returned home and learned of the disaster, she went through a phase where all she wanted was to be alone. So she sat in her room crying leaving Petunia to clean up the mess. Then another tragedy struck and instead of facing it with Petunia, she pushed her away forcing them both to go through it alone. And she could never forgive herself.

While she was out messing up her life, Petunia sat at home crying from the pain of being so alone and praying that she would be okay. And she wasn't okay; neither were. Petunia was a complete wreck but hid her feelings to help her little sister. And all she did was push Petunia away. She refused to talk and after awhile she stopped crying but became messed up in so many different ways.

And now she walked out into the chilly air with her best friend. Most couples came up to the Tower to make out or worse. But she went up to think and Severus came up with her refusing to leave her side. Severus was the only one who knew what happened in the Evans' household in Spinner's End. She never told him because she didn't have to; it was the talk of the village. Severus was the only one there for her besides Petunia. He pushed her to talk to him and open up, after while she let her secrets unfold. He kept those secrets deepening his friendship and love for her.

She tried to push the thoughts of that summer away during school hours but at night she would always find a place to sit and cry, Severus always by her side. She thought of the tragedies she suffered through but tears never fell. She thought of the horrible things she did that she thought would have made her forget, but still her eyes remained dry. It wasn't until she thought of Petunia. She regretted having to choose between happiness and her sister, but she shouldn't have had to choose in the first place. She just wished she made the right choice by returning to Hogwarts; she just hoped that Petunia would forgive her. Slowly, the tears fell down her cheeks.

Severus took her hand and squeezed tight, "It will all be okay, Lily."

Lily nodded hoping he was right.

Severus led her over to the far side of the tower. There was a large cranny where a statue once stood. He sat her down and she leaned against the wall. He took a seat beside her and pulled her close. She leaned on his chest and just let her tears fall. He couldn't say anything to comfort her and that killed him inside so he just held her tight and reassured her that everything will be alright.

"Thank you Sev," she whispered into his school robes.

He patted her auburn hair, "Anything for you."

She pulled away and leaned back on the wall looking out into the sky. Severus copied her and looked out at the stars but thought of her the entire time. They sat like that for what seemed like forever.

"I think I hate myself," she whispered wiping the stray tears.

"Don't," Severus whispered back, "you went through a really hard time. Be proud."

"Proud?" she laughed, "I left my sister alone so I could come back here. I'm selfish and that is not something to be proud of."

Severus grabbed her hand and squeezed it again, "Petunia would never expect you to give up magic. She **will** forgive."

She nodded hoping he was right but knowing Petunia would hate her.

They sat like that for at least an hour; their backs against the walls and their hands clasped together, not speaking. It was a comfortable silence… a best friend silence, where you don't have to say anything because your thoughts are connected. But curfew was quickly approaching and Severus had to walk all the way down to the dungeons.

She stood up reaching her hand out to Severus, "C'mon, I don't want to stay out past curfew."

Severus nodded and took her hand. They walked back to the other side of the Tower and started the descent down the stairs when they heard four familiar voices.

"You're being stupid. I'm sure they're not doing anything up there." a soft voice said.

"Shut it, Moony! She shouldn't be up there in the first place, especially with **him**." an annoyed voice spat.

"C'mon Prongs. Give the girl some credit. She wouldn't do anything like that," the soft voice quickly added, "especially with him."

Severus and she stopped to hear the full conversation.

"Well, I'm just making sure." the voice growled.

"Prongs! You're being stupid!" a squeaky voice shrieked.

"Listen, Wormtail, if you know what's good for you, you'll shut your mouth." The harsh voice growled.

"A bit harsh Prongsie, don't ya think?" a fourth voice laughed.

"Sod off, Pad-" James Potter cut his sentence short when he saw Severus Snape and Lily Evans standing only a landing up from the four boys. He quickly stashed a piece of parchment in his robes.

"What are you doing here, Potter?" Severus spat.

"I could ask you the same thing couldn't I, Snivellus?" James smiled.

Severus whipped out his wand and James followed, "Don't call me that!"

"C'mon Snivelly. It's just a nickname." Sirius Black smiled pulling out his wand standing to James' right.

"Put your wands away," Lily snapped.

"And get hexed by Snivellus? No, thank you Evans." James smiled.

"C'mon James, just put it away," Remus Lupin begged.

"Listen to them, Potter." Severus hissed.

"Stop it, Sev. Just put your wand away, they won't do anything." Lily said.

"They're Marauders, Lily. You can't trust them!" Severus whispered.

"Please," she begged.

Severus saw the desperation in her eyes and so he did as she asked sliding his wand into his pocket. James lowered his wand as Sirius put his back in his own pocket.

"So what are you doing here, Potter?" Lily wondered.

"What are you doing here?" James said with a bit of an edge.

"That's none of your business," Lily stated.

James narrowed his eyes in annoyance, "Well, then it's none of your business to know why I'm here."

"Well from what I heard you guys saying, you were looking for someone," Lily said a bit suspicious, "we were the only two up there."

James' face showed a slight panic, so Sirius quickly said, "The only two you knew of. Do you know how many nooks and crannies there are up there Lily? There are eight. So for all you know eight couples are up there snogging each other senseless and you just walked right by there."

"Oh," was all Lily could think of.

"Well it's almost curfew, we should be going," Remus urged his friends.

They all nodded and the six walked down the tower steps. Lily and Severus kept a good distance from the boys. Severus strongly disliked them and Lily just wanted to prevent an argument from breaking out. But when they reached the seventh floor hallway, Severus and Lily would have to part.

"I'll see you in the morning," Lily smiled.

"Yeah," Severus muttered, "see you."

Lily grabbed his arm as he turned away from her, "Thank you, Sev."

"It's nothing, Lils." he smiled.

Severus went down to the Dungeons as Lily followed the Marauders to the Common Room. Lily stayed normal pace but James slowed down and the other three followed his lead. When Lily caught up to them, James rounded on her.

"So, Evans, why in the hell were you with Snape?" James spat.

Lily gave him a stern glare, "I believe I told you that was none of your business."

"Look, I'm just watching out for you."

"Watching out for me?" she laughed, "I don't need you 'watching out' for me, Potter."

"Oh, please, Evans. Snivellus Snape has been dying to- to," he struggled for words, "to do some **funny business **with you since First Year!"

"You don't know him, Potter," Lily spat at him, "so stop acting like a git."

"Oh c'mon Evans! He's been in love with you forever! All he wants is to get in your-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll hex you." She promised.

"Well then stop hanging out with him!" James yelled.

"Sod off," Lily said as she turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady, "Sherbet Lemon."

The portrait swung open and Lily walked quickly in followed by James and the Marauders.

"Evans, please tell me you weren't-"he knew he'd regret what he was about to say, "snogging him."

Lily stopped abruptly and slowly turned, "Merlin, Potter! What is wrong with your bloody head? First off, no, I wasn't snogging Severus and second off, even if I was, it's none of your bloody business!"

"So," James had to make sure, "that's a no to the snog?"

Lily's eyes narrowed, "That's a no to the snog."

Just as she turned to go up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, James grabbed her hand, "So, Evans, would you go out with me?"

Lily yanked her hand from his, "You are such a toe rag!"

She turned from him and stormed upstairs. She grabbed the door to her room and yanked it open, slamming it behind her. Mary Diven and Dorcas Meadowes sat on the floor with fashion magazines in their hands. Marlene McKinnon and Cara Connors were on Marlene's bed talking of Quidditch. When they heard Lily come in, they all looked up wondering what could have upset her.

Lily laid on her bed and muttered into her pillow furiously, "I really **hate **Potter!"


	5. Out On The Grounds

Disclaimer: It all goes to JK!

Author's Note: Sorry I took so long to post this, I have actually been done with it for about two weeks now. But I was in Chicago and then had a lot of rehearsals (I'm a theatre nerd).

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Year Five: Out on the Grounds

Boy did he mess up. It was such a nice day too. The fifth years were almost finished with their O.W.L. testing for the end of the year and he headed down to the lake to relax with his friends. They sat underneath the beach tree and laid back. Remus sat reading, Sirius was checking out a few fourth year Hufflepuffs, and he was playing with the snitch he stole from the game a few weeks ago. Peter of course was watching him in awe. It wasn't until Snivelly Snape came towards James that he realized how bored he was. So, James and Sirius decided to have some fun with old Snivelly, little did James know that Lily Evans was close by and would hex James to oblivion if he laid a wand on Snape.

He wasn't even really planning to pull out his wand; he just wanted to tear the boy down a bit. Unfortunately for James, Snape wasn't going to take it. Snape went for his wand but James was faster and disarmed Snape. A crowd was forming around and James only gave what the crowd wanted, so he forced Snape upside down. He would have left it at that but Snape just had to swear at him. So James thought it be a nice treat for the crowd to wash Snape's mouth.

James was quite happy to see Lily approach but not so happy that it was to scream at him. He tried calming her by cracking a few jokes but it didn't seem to be working. So then he perked up some courage and asked her out. But of course he was rejected by her for the billionth time. James was going to end it there, but again Snape just couldn't let James walk away. Snape shot a curse at him which cut the side of James' face. James heard the "Ohhh!"s in the crowd and treated them by hanging Snape upside down again. Everyone cheered him on except for Remus who was in trance in his book and Lily who glared at James ready to burst with anger.

All Lily had to do was to tell James to stop, so he did. But yet again, Snape hadn't learned his damn lesson. Snape shot up ready to hex James when Sirius stepped in and froze him. Then Lily took her wand out, it was the first time she was actually willing to hurt another student. James did as she asked and undid Sirius' spell. And that's when Snape called her that word! A mudblood! Now of course James wasn't going to let Snivelly get away without apologizing to Lily but Lily didn't want James to interfere. Apparently James is just as bad as Snape and like always Lily recited the speech she always gave him about how horrible he is. She stormed away and didn't turn around when he called her name. She was the only one to ever act like that around him; maybe that's why he was intrigued by her.

This time though James wasn't in a good mood after seeing Lily, he was hurt and furious. So, he did the one thing that would cheer him up. He teased Snape some more. But after Snape had escaped from the Marauders, what was James supposed to do. Go show off to some seventh years and hope Lily would get over it? Get something to eat and hope Lily would just forget? But he knew Lily too well. She would not just get over it and certainly wouldn't forget. He had to go apologize.

"I'm going to talk to Professor Slughorn about that Potions essay," James lied knowing how much the other three hated Slughorn.

Sirius checked him over, "You sure that's where you're going, Prongs?"

"Yes, I'm sure," James glared.

"Okay," the three Marauders chimed as they headed down to the kitchens.

Just as James started to make his way for the Library where he was sure Lily would be, Sirius grabbed his arm.

"Going to apologize to Lily, aren't you, mate?" Sirius smiled.

James glared at him, "Sod off, Padfoot."

"Fine, but I hope you know you can't lie to me. I see right through it," Sirius patted James arm and caught up with the others.

James glared at Sirius until he turned a corner at the end of the hall. James started walking up to the Library passing a lot of strangers who deemed it necessary to say hi to him. After every "hello", "hi", or "HEY JAMES!", he just smiled and nodded his head politely.

"Potter!" someone shouted behind him.

He turned around to see Frank Longbottom striding out from the Heads of Houses Common Room. It was where the Head Boy and Head Girl of Hogwarts moved to instead of their old Houses Common Room. This year two Gryffindors, Frank Longbottom and Alice McDonald, were the Heads.

"Hey, Frank," James smiled.

"Come here," Frank gestured to him and James did so, "what year are you?"

"Fifth," James said confused.

"So, that means you'll be in sixth next year," Frank thought allowed.

"Well, yeah, Frank. Six comes after five," James laughed.

Frank glared at him, "If you want to be Quidditch captain next year, you better suck up to me."

James had been floored. Quidditch captain? It was something he had been hoping for but didn't really expect since Benjy Fenwick would be a seventh year and was a pretty decent player himself.

"What about Fenwick?" James asked.

"Look," Frank sighed, "Benjy's good but you're better. Benjy's nice but we need a leader. You're going to be the leader for them next year. That is of course if you want it."

"Of course I do," James shouted.

"Good," Frank laughed, "See you, mate."

"Yeah," James smiled.

He wanted to whoop and cheer. He wanted to run around the castle and scream at the top of his lungs. But something was tugging at his heart; Lily. James still had to apologize for being "an arrogant, bullying toe- rag". He made his way to the Library.

Walking in to the Library, Madam Pince was scolding a few second years for being too loud. A group of third year Hufflepuffs sat at a table gossiping while a group of sixth year Slytherins was glaring straight at James. He didn't acknowledge them and walked straight to the back of the Library. There were a few tables back there and James recalled Lily always sitting at the one in the corner.

James spotted the red head sitting at that table her eyes on a book with her hands on her forehead pushing back her hair. There was one problem, Severus Snape had beaten James to the Library and was now standing over Lily begging for forgiveness while she ignored him.

"Please, Lily," Snape begged, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

Lily didn't respond which made James smile.

"Please, talk to me," he went on.

No response. James trying to act casual grabbed a random book on the closest shelf and made his way towards the two.

"Look, I'm an idiot. I know that. But please Lil-"Snape stopped, "what do you want, Potter?"

"Hmm?" James asked looking up from his book, "oh, hello Evans, hello Snivelly. Just reading, don't mind me. Continue on with you're whole 'I'm an idiot' speech."

"Go away, Potter." Lily glared.

"Oh so you **were** just ignoring Snivelly. I thought you'd gone deaf. Nice to know, you two know how to communicate, you know being best friends and all," James smiled sitting down at the table across from Lily.

"We are **not** best friends," Lily turned her glare to Snape, "we're not even friends anymore."

James smiled but Snape was shocked.

"Lily, please," Snape begged.

"Pretty sure she made it clear that she's ignoring you Snivelly," James smiled.

"Sod off, Potter," Lily and Snape spat at him.

"Whoa, there. I'm on your side Evans," James defended.

"I don't need you nor do I want you on my side," Lily said.

Snape looked down at his watch, "Lily, I really am sorry, but I have to go meet Avery. Please just think about what I said. And I didn't mean to call you a- a you know what."

Lily ignored him again and Snape trudged out of the Library dragging his feet.

"And then there were two," James joked.

Lily glared at him, "Really, Potter, I am not in the mood. Can you, please, annoy me another time?"

"Well only because you said please," James smiled.

"Sod off," Lily sighed.

James looked closely at Lily. She really did look upset. Although he knew it was because of what Snape said, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He was glad that it looked like a final end to the Lily- Snivelly friendship but he did know how much the git meant to her.

He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

"I don't care," Lily snapped.

Slightly taken aback he continued, "I didn't mean to break up your friendship but-"

"Yes you did," Lily said matter of factly.

"What?" James said confused.

Lily stared at him clearly irritated, "Potter, you've been trying to break up my friendship with Severus since the first time we met on the train."

"True," James smiled, "but I didn't think he meant that much to you."

"He doesn't," Lily lied.

"He does too," James said seeing through the lie.

"Shut up, Potter," Lily yelled standing up, "you don't know anything about that friendship. You don't know anything about Severus Snape. And you sure as hell don't know anything about me!"

"Whoa, calm down," James said trying to avoid getting all the attention.

"No! You **always** bloody do this! You always bloody strut around acting like you own this bloody castle and expect everyone to kiss your bloody feet! But I don't bloody care and Severus doesn't bloody care! So, of course, you just had to bloody pick on us! You just had to break up that bloody friendship! Potter, never once have I let you bloody influence that friendship; not once! But be bloody proud of yourself because that bloody friendship is over, you bloody git!" Lily lowered her voice, "and you weren't exactly subtle coming over hear, were you. You have a love potion book in your hands, dumb arse."

James looked at the cover blushing but quick to recover, "Just looking to see which potion to use on you."

Lily gave him a final glare and stormed out of the Library.

"Damn it," he sighed.

Why did Lily hate him so much? He really didn't mean to upset her. He didn't mean to break up the friendship. He didn't mean to get her to get so frustrated that she had to use bloody eight times in every sentence- hmm she did use bloody a lot, didn't she? Maybe he should give up on Lily. Maybe he should let her go…. No, he couldn't do that. He still had feelings for her.

"Fuck my life," James whispered to himself.

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Okay, okay, okay. This is the final chapter before we actually get into the story! I hope you enjoyed it. I hope to have Chapter Six up in a few days. (It's not yet done, but I don't have any plans besides rehearsals so...) No reviews, still have some followers on this story. Let me know if you like it :)

xx. FionaJoyce.


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